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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Creepy-looking Cursed Shrunken Head thing - $600 (Capitol Hilll)
Date: 2009-10-15, 7:29PM EDT
Reply to: sale-bxntw-1423313137@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
For the love of God someone please come to my house and buy this thing!
I found it under my pillow last week, and am 98% sure my ex-girlfriend hid it there before we broke up (mutual decision). My life has been a living hell ever since she put it in my house. Every night I wake up screaming from unspeakable nightmares. This morning when I got out of the shower it looked like someone had written a terrifying message on my mirror in blood. Yesterday I swear, for a split second, I saw a rotting corpse in a pith helmet walk through my kitchen.
Anyway, the shrunken head would make an excellent conversation piece. There is a little bit of mustache, which is red, so I think it's probably from a British serviceman or something. Excellent Christmas or birthday gift. Halloween is coming up, so keep that in mind.
Quite the steal at $600. Negotiable. | | |
| Definately Not-Angry Man seeks Hot Girlfriend - 32 (DC Proper)
Date: 2009-10-11, 7:03PM EDT
So you ask: "Why should I (you) contact you (me), as opposed to all these other guys on Craigslist?" Well, how about this for starters: I'll bet I'm the ONLY man on here who has a Certificate of Completion from a court-mandated Anger Management Class. How many guys do you know who have a psychiatrist and lawyer who have testified about what a great guy they are in court? It's like I've got a masters degree in not hitting people. I'm not picky about women. Let's say someone 25 - 35, reasonably good looking and with a job. We can go to the Botanical Gardens for our first date, or maybe have a picnic or something. I like dogs, so if you have a dog we could go walk your dog. Maybe at the Botanical Gardens. Interests: Boxing, Weight-Lifting, Kick Boxing, Knitting Dislikes: Sudden loud noises, traffic congestion, Mondays, not cleaning dishes after eating on them - Location: DC Proper
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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| $350 Cozy room available for very quiet roommate (Dupont Circle)
Date: 2009-10-03, 9:16PM EDT
Reply to: hous-7r3dc-1405234924@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Cozy "nook" bedroom in a delightful Dupont Circle townhouse available for rent. Room has real wood floors and dimensions of 8 feet by 6 feet. The room is unfurnished, but if you are new to the city you may use my air matress for as long as you'd like. The room is adjoined to my bedroom, which is slightly larger, and you will need to enter and exit your room through my room. I am feeling out whether or not our landlord will be okay with adding another roommate, so for the first couple of weeks I would prefer you enter and exit via my window and a rope ladder that I have tied to my bed. If you absolutely have to enter or exit through the front door, you will need to tell people you are my lover, regardless of your gender. If you meet our landlord, Mr. Schwartzmore, under no circumstances are you to indicate that you are residing in my walk-in closet. Also, as you will be entering your room through mine, it's best that we set a curfiew so that I do not think you're a burgler trying to enter my room and steal my coin collection. I am amenable to creating a "I'm not a burgler" code you can tap on my window after 10 pm., but overall I think the curfiew policy is best as I like to drink mohitos every Saturday and my last roommate startled me and I forgot about the code and tried to hit him with a golf club. The kitchen is fully stocked, and the bathroom has a shower with two nozzles. New Hampshire Ave (google map) (yahoo map) | | |
| A pup tent for two? - 26 (Mid-Town)
Reply to: pers-gs2ak-1155077964@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-05, 12:24AM CDT
I just moved to Oklahoma to start a law degree, and before I hit the books this fall I’d like to spend some quality time with a quality gal. I’m tall dark and handsome, in my mid-twenties, and love to go camping, hiking, and generally anything that involves sleeping under the stars.
Or I did anyway until two years ago when my girlfriend got mauled to death by a bear. For a while I refused to go camping, and last October I had a nervous breakdown and set a teddy bear on fire at the Toys-R-Us in Oskaloosa, Iowa. But I’ve gone through therapy since then, and I’m ready once more to camp AND to love.
So if you’re a fellow adventurer with a pretty smile (and most importantly) a good heart, hows about we rough it some weekend? I have fine equipment, nature know-how, a fun personality, and a fresh batch of Bear Repellent*. I know a couple of bitchin hiking trails in the Quachita Mountains— I look forward to meeting you!
*A lot of people don’t know it, but black bears instinctively avoid mountain lions because of their tendency to prey on cubs. I spent last month making Bear Repellent out of pretty potent cougar pheromones. It’s almost undetectable to humans, but an ounce of the stuff can draw male panthers from over seven miles away, so I don’t think we’ll have much trouble from Yogi or Smoky!
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| Struggling Alcoholic Helicopter Pilot seeks Relationship Co-Pilot!
Reply to: pers-1040504712@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2009-02-18, 5:20PM CST
How do I spell Romance? F-L-Y-I-N-G!
I’m a fun-lovin’ helicopter operator and I’m lookin’ for love! On the right side of thirty, six foot tall, slim build, blond hair. I tend to go for “reformed” party girls.
I got out of an unhealthy relationship about three years ago, and my Alcoholics Anonymous counselor thinks (and I agree!) that I’ve matured enough to open my heart up again, and start looking for that Special Someone. He says a relationship might have a stabilizing affect on my life.
So how about it, ladies? You can’t beat a “picnic in the sky”! Sandwiches, my famous German potato salad, a magical view, and three or four bottles of merlot.
Control Tower to Romance: You are cleared for takeoff!
---------------------------Responses------------------------------TO: haroldbromley@rocketmail.com
FRM: Tifani
How does your AA counselor feel about three or four bottles of Merlot?
I'm in, where do I sign up?
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TO: Tifani
FRM: haroldbromley@rocketmail.com
Well, first, I don't believe in quitting cold turkey, like Bob I-know-everything-about-substance-abuse-Sampson. Once a month I let loose and drink two or three bottles of wine while I'm flying my Schweizer over the Metro, and I think most people would agree that's a pretty innocuous hobby. Last month I flew to Dallas and turned my tail blinker off, then buzzed a UFO convention with my spotlight. Classic! (The newspaper story about this is still in the co-pilot seat, if you want to read it on our date.)
Bob actually hates that I do this, but I don't think it's a big deal. I can understand driving a car shitcanned-- you might barrel over a toddler or something. But what are you going to hit in the air? Another helicopter? Please. As long as you go up with enough gas, you can always flip on the autopilot and sip bottled water until you sober up enough to land.
Anyway, glad to hear you're aboard! Here's what I'm thinking: why don't I pick you up from work next Thursday, but do it like we're in a movie, where I drop a rope ladder and you start climbing up as we fly away? It'd be like a James Bond film!
Hope to hear from you soon,
Harold
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TO: Harold
FRM: Tifani
Please please please pick me up next Thursday. I'll
climb that ladder like a pro. This is perhaps the defining moment in
ones life I've been searching for. All of those hours rappelling will
not go in vain. There happens to be an open field right by the ole
office. I'm going to wear functional black clothes on that day so if
we need to get into any covert ops I am fully prepared. I might even
wear the mask I am making for the TNT ball this weekend, it's going to
be amazing.
As long as I am sitting here daydreaming I'm going to pretend on the
other end of this email sits a tall, sexy mystery man. With an Irish
accent, hell let's make him a prince while we're at it.
P.S.
Nobody like a "quitter."
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Author's Note: WTF?
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TO: Tifani
FRM: Harold Tiffani, That’s awesome! Usually people wuss out about helicopters and don’t want to go up with me or cover their share of the gas ($62.65, probably). While I do not have an Irish accent, my grandfather immigrated to America from Slishwood, Ireland in 1907, so it’s funny you should mention that. “Bromley” is an English surname, and my family lived very happily in Slishwood on an estate with four hundred acres of farmland and sheep pasture. (Pretty impressive, given that none of the Irish at that time in that area even bothered owning chairs.) Unfortunately my family had to leave Ireland at the beginning of the twentieth century, but my grandfather can do an unbelievable Irish accent! He gets loaded up on grain whiskey and stumbles around cussing, dropping his pants and loudly threatening to beat his wife. I keep meaning to put one of his “Irish impressions” up on You-Tube. It’s killer! What is the TNT Ball? Is that like a gala for dynamite companies? Harold | | |
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